Night

I love night photography. It's the type of photography that excites me the most. I'm not someone that takes a lot of photos anyway and I almost never take photos of every day events. I take photos when inspired and for me to feel inspired it usually means I'm experiencing a unique place, time, or circumstance. Skylines, lights, and impossible night skies never cease to get me excited.

I'm not sure why I have such a strong response to the night when I look through a camera lens. Maybe it's because by virtue of how the picture needs to be taken I'm not just capturing a quick snapshot in time, but rather, several seconds of time strung together into one moment.

Maybe it's movement that I find so compelling. The science of motion in art form. Being able to see something in an image that is never displayed in reality. Or perhaps it's how they have a dream-like feel to me.
Or maybe it's simply the different sort of challenge this type of photography demands. Getting everything right in split seconds. The shutter being open long enough (but not too long), the right aperture, the proper ISO. The moment I see before I even take the first shot is what draws me there, but the experimentation is what keeps me there.

Whatever the reason may be, I love it. At the risk of sounding philosophical, images like these remind me of the many intersections our lives make with others if only for fractions of seconds. I think there is something really beautiful about that.

Hurt

I feel hurt when a part of the population within this community makes my job, recruiting students to this place, much more difficult than the inherent challenges already make it by being so reckless with what they say and by criticizing all possible minutia.

Another 'thought from the shower'

Traveling gives me perspective (and motivation). I think I'm better in my friendships and I'm better at my job if I've been traveling. It both fills my mind with new things to think about and also clears my mind of unnecessary thoughts I seem to get bogged down with. I never lose the urge to travel and I think that if I'm not traveling, even every once in awhile, I get bored and antsy.

Can anyone relate?

It's not my decision!

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the notion of "God's will" and how it seems so many people use it as a reinforcement for the decisions they make.

The way I see this manifest itself most often is in my job in admissions for a private Christian college. The springtime marks the time of year where our accepted students let us know whether they'll be enrolling at our school or at another school. Often times, reasons for going elsewhere include issues with finances, our location (we're pretty rural), or they've decided to pursue a major we don't offer. But a common thread with many of the students is the idea that it's "not God's will for me to go there" or "it's God's will for me to go to this other school." In reality, I know that often the reason is that this student doesn't want to go to school in the country or that this student just liked another school better. Of course, they are often too timid to own up to the real reasons.

Once someone states that their decision is "God's will," it ends the conversation. What can one say to that? "Well, God told me that the exact opposite is true!" Of course not. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that God does call specific people to specific places and specific things. But have we taken this too far?

I've recently been really trying to figure out what I believe to be true about my relationship with God and our respective relationships with Him. I guess, the conclusions I've been coming to are that God isn't interested in dictating our lives as if we have no control over what happens to us. So many Christians seem to live like God's will is some sort of nebulous force that directs us in major (and minor) decisions as if every decision has a RIGHT choice and a WRONG choice. You're either IN God's will or you're OUT. Really?

Can we agree that God wills for us to be obedient to his commands? Can we agree that "living in God's will" can mean that we're following how God would have us treat each other and pursuing Him with our minds and our actions?

If I make a decision because I believe it's God's will that I make that decision and then I start feeling discontent after a time, does that mean it's no longer "God's will?" Like I said, I believe God can and does call some people to specific things, but I think that more often than not, God invites us to make our own choices. And I think something for all of us to try to do is to OWN those decisions once we make them. Let's also be honest about the reasons we make decisions and let's not make "God's will" the automatic fallback response.

Futures

My generation is obsessed. With many things really, but with one thing above all else; the question of "what the heck am I supposed to do with my life?!" It's in the forefront of the mind of almost every twentysomething Christian I know. It's what keeps us up at night. We're so worried that we don't take a 'wrong' step in life and we agonize over where God wants us next. It's focused on so much that it becomes a point of frustration, anxiety...panic. The actual question of what we're to do becomes so much of an idol that we almost lust after the answer. In the process, I think, we often stop hearing God completely.

I think about the different perspectives that our parents' generation and especially our grandparents' generation had on their futures. The main issue wasn't what I'm supposed to do, but rather, how can I best provide for my family? Were they any less in tune with God's leading when they were our age? Less able to hear God's voice? Had less of a desire to do God's work? I don't think so.

Which way of thinking is better? I'm not sure one is necessarily better than the other, but there needs to be balance. I think of all of us that are struggling with what's next, I propose we recognize and acknowledge the blessings God has bestowed on us in the present and ask how we can best serve in the here and now. Instead of focusing on ourselves, what if we were to focus on how to be more like Christ? I wonder how many of the things we worry about would no longer be issues if this was our main goal.

A revelation

I just learned today that the place depicted in one of my most favorite paintings, Van Gogh's Cafe Terrace at Night, is an actual cafe and it's in Arles, France. I need to get myself there before I die.


I think a huge part of why I love this painting is because when I was young, there was an exact replica of this painting done by my father that hung in my grandma's house. The copy was actually so close to the real one that my dad had to register it or something like that so that it wouldn't be mistaken for Van Gogh's original! I haven't seen that painting in years as my grandma has since relocated to Texas and I assume she took it with her. However, my dad knows how much I love it and he said he's willing it to me.

I do my best thinking in the shower

Some people go for walks or runs, some people call up their friends to talk things through, and some people, like me, do their best thinking in the shower. It's usually as I'm taking a shower just as part of my routine, but sometimes, if I'm feeling I need to think something over I'll just hop in when it's not necessary to my physical health but more my mental health. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's just the feeling of being enveloped that makes me introspective.

Recent thoughts while showering:

• I'm finding that I'm someone that not only likes physical contact with people, but really needs it. I'm talking about hugs mostly, but certainly not exclusively. Without really having physical contact with friends and people I love for awhile I just get surly. It's definitely subconscious, but it really affects me. I've discovered that I express affection and receive affection with my friends the best and most natural way with physical contact. This may sound minor, but I really think it's essential to my well-being.

• When I'm out somewhere with friends or even by myself, like on my admission travels, I tend to rush through things instead of taking them in for long periods of time. I believe there are two types of people in the world when it comes to this: people who enjoy the world by seeing as much of it as possible in the amount of time given to them and then people who enjoy the world by spending more time at each place. I think I'm the former. For example, I was up in Rochester with some friends a few weeks ago for the Park Ave. Art Festival and I wanted to see as much as I could in the few hours we were there. The three people I was with were much more content to do less things in that same amount of time. They wanted to just sit around! It frustrated me at first, but then I always see the benefit to drinking it all in. I just get in adventurous modes and want to stay in that as long as I can. Sometimes to my benefit and sometimes to my deficit.
  

More thoughts to follow as they come...