Thursday, June 11, 2009

Fresh

Lately I've been feeling the need to remind myself of Rwanda. To keep fresh in my mind the things I saw, the people I met, the stories I heard, the sorrow I felt, the hope I encountered. I don't know why now, but for the past few weeks it's been a driving force. I've watched documentaries recounting the details of how the genocide started and was carried out, I'm re-reading Philip Gourevitch's We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families, and just overall reliving moments from my time there.

I don't know if it's that sub-consciously I feel that my memories are slipping away. Maybe. I believe that no matter what I do (or fail to do) in regards to my memory of Rwanda, much of it will always be with me. But I don't want it to just be a part of
my past; a piece of wisdom and feeling of empathy I had for a time. I want the hope I saw invade me and bring all the horrors and the miracles to my conscious thoughts throughout my life. Not because I enjoy hearing and remembering awful things, but because I never want those raw emotions to go away. I felt so many things in Rwanda. I felt angry, I felt desparate, I felt vulnerable, I felt hopeful. I saw God's hands moving across a nation. In the Rwandan people I saw despair, endurance, guilt, forgiveness, reconciliation, loss, gain.

I feel a responsibility to renew all of this over and over in my mind. To bring it up and wrestle with it continuously. I'll never fully understand the greatness of God's healing or the extent to which man can be evil, but I got a good look at both of those in the "Land of a Thousand Hills."

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The fruit of Christ's death...

"Now I am going to him who sent me, yet none of you asks me, 'Where are you going?' Because I have said these things, you are filled with grief. But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you...I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth...He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you." -John 16: 5-7, 12-13a, 14-15 (emphasis added)
A friend recently pointed out this verse to me and has prompted new life into how I think about Jesus' words here. It's one of those you hear a million times within the Christian faith. That's pretty much true of the entire book of John. But what is perplexing and seemingly counter intuitive about these words to the disciples is that Jesus is saying his leaving earth is the best scenario for them/us. The disciples were fearful of Jesus leaving and probably had many of the same thoughts that we tend to have today 'Wouldn't it just be easier if you were here on earth, Jesus?'

Grappling with the idea that Jesus' ascension was better than if he had stayed is where I'm at. Matthew Henry's commentary helps a bit:
"Christ's departure was necessary to the Comforter's coming. Sending the Spirit was to be the fruit of Christ's death, which was his going away. His bodily presence could be only in one place at one time, but his Spirit is every where, in all places, at all times..."

To know the Spirit is to know God just as Jesus said to know him is to know God. I think it's just easier for us to look to a physical being. It's easier for me, that's for sure. Sometimes I have thoughts like 'it would seem much more concrete of a faith if I could just see Jesus...touch Him, smell Him. But how incredible that God dwells with us, in us? To take what is God's and make it known to us? I'm just at the beginning of tackling this.